just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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