he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
