just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize