I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
