I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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