I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
