his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
