Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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