If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
