First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize