To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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