woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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