I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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