jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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