If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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