Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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