u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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