I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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