if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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