I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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