worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
