the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
