I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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