Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
