well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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