Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you traded sex for a burrito?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
