I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
