I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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