Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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