He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My ATM looks so different sober.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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