Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
