You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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