How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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