Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
