i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
