btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
