I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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