did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
