I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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