Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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