I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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