if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
it's great music for shaving your balls
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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