How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
