summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
