these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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