I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
