After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
