Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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