Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You pole danced in your parka.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
