We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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