Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
