see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
