Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
