Who did Billy Mays play for?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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