I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize