Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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