Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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