At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize