I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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