Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
