Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
