Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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