I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
