Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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