You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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