They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
