didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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