the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
