I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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