I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
