I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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