my being single is dangerous.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
