dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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