These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
