I didn't shave. On purpose
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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