Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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