She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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