Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
